“I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it was gonna be because if I know me, I never would have done this.”
APRIL 24, 2007
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord Plans to Prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a HOPE.”Jeremiah 29:11Today was the day. The day that will change everyday for the rest of my life. Words can’t describe what it felt like to finally hear the words “ You are going to the ranch” I was overwhelmed. Tears immediately began to flow. How does your mind grip around all these emotions at one time? A dream was coming true right before my eyes. How can I live without my husband and son for potentially four months? How am I gonna endure the pain I know I am about to face. Then an overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness came over me J.D. told us that each of us was here for a reason I am gonna spend the next week, month, whatever trying to figure what that reason God has allowed this once in a lifetime opportunity, this second chance, for a reason. I have felt hopeless for a long time (about my weight), and thought for the first time I actually believe Jeremiah 29:11 not just in my head, but in my heart . I have hope. I have a future.
APRIL 25, 2007
(Climbing in the desert) Today I was one big ball of nerves. What would our first day be like? We drove for what seemed like hours, only to arrive in the middle of nowhere. Seriously… We were surrounded by dirt and cactus. First thing we had to do on camera was climb a steep hill covered by sand. “The first time up, I was panting so hard I could have blown tumbleweed across the plain. Yikes, I felt parts of me that I have not felt in years. I wanted to quit so bad, but was too embarrassed to. Dang it, if they can do it, so can I. You know what, the second third and fourth weren’t as bad. I felt proud of myself and everyone else. We did it!! And miraculously we all survived. I never thought I would say this but it actually felt good to break a sweat. I will sleep like a baby tonight. This will be the first day that I will not go to bed feeling defeated. It may have been hard, but I did it! I conquered that hill nothing could feel better.
APRIL 26, 2007
Let the games begin. Today was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. You made it,…No you’re going home if you do not win the race through the desert. Sorry…we didn’t pick you…you are not good enough. Then like a Knight on a white horse. JILLIAN!! Words could never express how it felt to see her. All hope was gone, then in an instant it was back with a vengeance. Redemption in a leather jacket, jeans and some kickin boots. I cried like a baby. I couldn’t stop the tears.The Black Team…How appropriate. I love Black. I know we will kick some serious BOOTY!! Although Jillian does scare me a tiny bit YIKES.
APIRIL 27, 2007
First day of training PURE HELL…. I’m too tired to write anything else.
APRIL 28, 2007
Today during the brutal beating at the gym. Jillian had a heart to heart with me. She asked me why I was here, what was my goal. I told her I was to lose weight. That wasn’t good enough for her. She wanted deeper. If I don’t know what it is in life. What I am working toward then I am just being tossed in the wind. I told her that I feel selfish for being here (deep down)… She said taking care of yourself is never selfish. That dying at a young age and not being there for my child would be more selfish. She gave me a lot to think about. Why am I here, what is it I want out of life?
April 30, 2007
Today we took a spinning class, needless to say I can barely walk. (They should really make those seats softer, not to mention bigger.) We were all exhausted afterwards when Jillian told us we were gonna go straight from our spinning class to hike Runyan. I thought hiking… that sounds like fun. …..WRONG!!!!!It was a stinkin mountain! When I looked up at that thing, I thought…She has lost her mind. I was panting just getting up the ramp to the entrance.Half way up when she told us we were ½ way there I seriously thought about quitting. Just giving up and dissolving into a pile of tears but I was too afraid of what Jillian would do She can be scary. Then I briefly thought about pushing her over the cliff, sitting down and having a snack. (Just kidding)Eventually I made it. It sucked to be the last one up, but I made it. To be honest I didn’t care who was first or last, I was just trying to catch my breath and not die. The pain really was excruciating. When we finished Jillian told us she was taking us to lunch. Wow…our first fun outing. Well… excited until she told us after lunch we had two more hours of cardio. So close…We should have known. That woman is a machine. You know what though…we were all still alive! BARELY!!!
May 4, 2007
Today my legs/knees hurt more than I could ever have imagined! I literally cried today because of the pain! I have no idea how I will make it through tomorrow. Everyday I pray for God to give me supernatural strength. I want to do my very best, but I don’t want to end up harming my legs permanently. This show is definitely not for wussies. You know … I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it was gonna be because if I know me, I never would have stepped on that plane.